The term long distance relationship is used to mean an intimate relationship between lovers who are separated by distance. It is simply loving over the air. Due to the distance, they are not able to see each other as they should. So, everything in this relationship is done through a medium such as a phone, letters, emails etc.
The difference from a normal relationship is that they won’t be able to meet to share activities in person as often as they would want. However, they still share a bond.
Interestingly, some do not believe the validity of a long distance relationship. They feel if two lovers can’t find each other in close proximity, there is no love between them. Although, this may be true but that does not necessarily apply to all every couple. It is important to reiterate that amount of love between lovers is not determined by the distance between them.
Another set of people believe that it is true for people to be in love over a distance but it may not last. These set of people believe the quote that says that “out of sight is out of mind”. This is partly true in the case of love. If two people who are said to be in love over a distance lost touch for a long time, the relationship may be jeopardized. But the truth is, the relationship may be jeopardized not because of the distance but because they lost touch with each other.
Reasons I can’t manage long distance relationships
If we are to discuss managing long distance relationships, it is pertinent to note that it is not meant for everyone. It is important to note the kind of person that you are before going into such a relationship. Here are some types of people that cannot manage long distance relationships;
“Out of sight, out of mind” kind of people
Some people find it difficult to live with the fact that their lover is somewhere where they cannot reach them as soon as they wish. The thought that their lover is somewhere far from them makes them feel they are not in love with someone or that their partner is not in love with them. The distance just means something else to them entirely. This set of people can never manage a long distance relationship, at least not with this mindset.
People with trust issues
Also, people who have trust issues cannot manage a long distance relationship. While trust is one of the bedrock of a relationship, in a long-distance relationship, the amount of trust required is much more. If you have trust issues or you seem not to be able to trust anyone, a long distance relationship is not for you. If you start it, it won’t be long before you crush the entire relationship with suspicious thoughts, words, and actions.
Cuddle bears
Furthermore, there are people who love to be cuddled and touched. For them, that is love expressed. Don’t get this wrong, there is an amount of this required in every relationship whether short or long but there are certain people who cannot do without being cuddled in a relationship. If this is not happening from time to time, they feel no love professed to them. Although this is more with the female partner but it is with the male as well. This set of people cannot manage a long distance relationship.
The jealous and possessive
Another set of people who may not be able to manage a long distance relationship are people prone to jealousy and possessive. Truth be told, some level of jealousy is needed in a relationship but when it is too high, both the relationship and the lovers are at risk. Even in a long distance relationship, a jealous and possessive partner is dangerous. If you know you are one, it is best to deal with these traits first before you go into any relationship at all.
The easily irritated
Lastly, if you are easily irritated , long distance relationship is not for you. This is because you will have misunderstandings many times. Patience is needed to understand your partner. It might be a bit easy if you are seeing each other because you will be able to read facial expressions and countenances but that is difficult for a long distance relationship. You will have to put your anger aside to get to the issues so as not to misjudge situations.
Ways to handle long distance relationships
If you have gone through the list above and you discovered you fall into any of the categories, it is not a death sentence for you as far as a long distance relationship is concerned. It is only showing you what you need to work on. It is always good that you work on yourself before you go into any relationship. Remember that when people are said to be in a relationship, it is their values, good and bad that are in the relationship because those are the things that they bring to the table.
If you seem to be free from those stated things above or you have agreed to work on your excesses, then the next thing you are about to read is meant for you. Long distance relationship is peculiar because of geographically inaccessible between the love birds. And that distance has the capacity to determine how short or long the relationship would be if it is not handled with wisdom. The wisdom is detailed in the ways to manage long distance relationships below;
Understanding your partner
The first thing to do to manage a long distance relationship is to strive to understand your partner. Understanding the partner is key in every relationship. For a long distance relationship, it is twice important for both parties to be able to flow together. It is not the understanding that is the main thing, it is the use of the knowledge that is paramount. This type of understanding is the one that dwells more on the personality and character of the partner. This includes things like personality traits, anger traits, love language, etc.
Technology for communication
The next thing is to keep the communication link bound. The only way to keep yourselves abreast of the happenings in each other’s life is to communicate. Make sure you both communicate even on the least things you can ever think about. Communicate your feelings, thoughts, issues, etc. The world we live in is a bit different and it favors your relationship because there are many technological devices or processes that you can use. You can even get to see each other on a daily basis through this technology. You can do voice and video calls respectively. Use these tools to keep your bond.
Quality Listening
There is a side to balancing communication thing. It is twice important that the partners practice quality listening. Active listening must be embraced, don’t just be interested in saying whatever you have to say because you have been told communication is key. Be genuinely interested in what your partner has to say. That genuineness in listening is an important building block to keep the foundation of your relationship strong. Remember you are not seeing each other, active listening over the phone or medium of communication will always send a message that you are interested in your partner.
Forgiveness
To keep your long distance relationship going fine, you must find a way to create a system by which you can forgive each other when anyone errs. You will definitely offend each other at one point or the other. First, learn to say that you are sorry when you err. If you are too big to apologize, then you are too big to be in a relationship. Next, is to create a system to end grudges within a day and a maximum of two days.
Surprise trips
Depending on the distance between the love birds, another thing that can help to keep the long distance relationship is to plan surprise visits to your partner’s place. This option is based on if the distance is not too much. If it is a few hours journey, then you can secretly plan to be with your partner when they least expected you. Do this not in a way that breeds suspicion or portrays you as though you are suspicious of your partner. Make it fun by doing it with your partner’s colleague or friend that can help you with the itinerary.
Having fun together
Apart from using technology to communicate, another thing you can do with technology that can help the relationship is to play games together online. There are several games you can play together online. You need to find time and games that will match the interest of both of you. Playing games together helps you to get more intimate just as it helps in the physical outing. You need to plan this in your schedule maybe weekly or monthly.
Praying Together
Furthermore, you need to plan to be praying together. Don’t just be concerned about physical meetings, romance, etc. Be spiritual with your relationship. Remember that you can control many things in your relationship with prayer. Couples who pray together get stronger together. So, plan fasting and prayer together intermittently. Remember that both of you will be facing temptation in your respective places, so you need to pray for each other and together. Learn more: Prayers for a long distance relationships